Hard to Work With?
By Michael J. Ayers
Not long ago, my wife and I photographed an out-of-town wedding for a couple that seemed exceptionally quiet. During our initial consultation, it was difficult for me to get either of them to open up about their wedding plans. As photographers, we all occasionally get couples that are difficult to read, but this bride and groom took the cake. When I first photographed them during an engagement session at the studio, it would have been easier to pull teeth than to get them to speak freely about any subject.
Our final wedding consultation usually takes place during the bride's formal studio portrait session, generally about a month before the wedding. I like to keep this session fun and brief, so as to not make the bride nervous during what is often a very stressful time. The bride, Lisa (not her real name), looked gorgeous. I always find every bride I work with pretty in her own way, but Lisa looked especially radiant. Her mother came to help her get ready for her bridal portrait session, and I could tell that both of them were very excited.
But despite her excitement, it was hard to get Lisa to lighten up and relax during the session. I have always liked challenges, and I thought this would be an especially good exercise because the couple had stated earlier in the year how much they liked their engagement photographs. I did not want Lisa to look like she was forcing her smile as she stood there so elegant in her wedding gown. Trying not to look as though the whole project was taxing, I attempted to capture Lisa's personality in several ways throughout the session. I got her to look thoughtful, reflective, peaceful, distant, warm, happy, ecstatic and graceful. I even got her to laugh! But it was a real workout for me; I just about had to do a stand-up comedy routine.
At this point, I was convinced that the bride was just difficult to work with. In all honesty, her attitude and reactions to most things seemed negative. It's unfortunate, but what else was I supposed to think? The truth of the matter is that this beautiful bride lacked self-esteem, but what was it all stemming from? While Lisa changed back into street clothes in the dressing room, her mother chatted with me candidly and opened up, indicating that Lisa was not herself lately. I instructed my wife later that this would be one of our tougher weddings because of the bride's reserved demeanor and possible reluctance to cooperate.
The wedding day itself went fine; the couple looked handsome and happy, and we got all the shots we had planned (although many lacked the high degree of emotion I would have liked to see). All in all, it was one of the more thorough wedding stories we completed during the early part of the year. As my own toughest critic, even I was pleasantly surprised at our photographic results.
After the wedding and reception, the couple thanked us for coming, and we gave them instructions on how to get in touch with us after they got back from their honeymoon. Because the couple lived out of town, most of the correspondence was taken care of by the bride's parents. On the occasion of the orders being placed, Lisa's mother and father were elated with the previews and were excessively appreciative to both my wife and me.
During the course of our conversation, they gave testimony to the fact that their daughter was a completely different person since seeing the wedding previews. According to her parents, her self-esteem had taken a complete turn-around, due in part to her bridal session portraits. She was absolutely a changed young woman, all because of photographs of her in her long, white wedding dress. Certain poses that we created of her brought out her best; the portraits psychologically helped her look at herself in a better light.
I have never seen a response to photographic images in quite the way Lisa's parents described. They explained that her portraits gave her a new lease on life and eliminated her constant self-badgering, especially the self-blame she had been putting herself through.
Here's the bad news: Lisa's mother explained that about a year before the wedding, Lisa had been raped. The effect of this event on her life was pronounced. As her mom explained the situation, I understood why Lisa had not been responsive in front of the camera. The best thing to happen to her since the attack was to meet her future husband, who guided her spirits and kept her thinking positive. During this time, however, she also grew evasive and distant, especially from family members and close friends.
This bride, who I had originally thought was just hard to work with, was actually a young lady dealing with a traumatic experience. It turns out that photographs I created for her buoyed her spirits and helped her to face the world again.
You never know just how powerful imaging can be in the hands and minds of your clients. To all of us photographers, it's a living; to our customers, it may be a reason for living.
Master Photographic Craftsman Michael J. Ayers is regarded as one of the world's best wedding album designers. From a little studio in Lima, Ohio, he has developed a widespread reputation of artistry and success, including honors such as WPPI's International Photographer of the Year and a Leadership Award from the United Nations. His Pop-Up wedding albums have been viewed at exhibitions all over the world by tens of thousands of people, and he has lectured across the country including Canada, Mexico and Europe. Visit www.theayers.com.
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